People I am grateful for this year:
* T. For all the support and love in the world.
* My boy. I do not think I could have got through the second half of this year without P. I just don't know how I would have managed. He saved me. He showed me that there is still beauty, love, laughter and kindness in the world, even on days that were a bottomless pit of awfulness.
* My 20 weeks with baby E. I would be more grateful if he were with me now, of course, but that is not going to happen. E, thank you for being with me. Thank you for the gifts and insights you have given us. We love you always, baby boy.
* Friends. For being there with shoulders to cry on, wine, rant time and laughter.
* Family. For being there with emotional, spiritual and practical support, no matter what. For loving us, no matter what.
* New friendships, online and in real life.
* The women of the US Babycenter boards.
* My obstetrician and GP.
* My second counsellor and SIDS and Kids.
People who can go and suck a big fat one:
* The patrons who screamed at me in my previous job, in my grieving, post natal state, for not offering the "right level" of service, for not pandering to their every whim despite bending over backwards to accommodate their needs. Fuck you all, you entitled petty arseholes. I suppose I should also partly thank you for being the catalyst for me to change fields.
* My first counsellor. Rolling your eyes because I don't agree with your insistence that I do IVF with PGD to cope with my loss, seriously?
* My previous supervisor. Where do I even begin?! My previous job started going south in April, several events had me second guessing my competency and my suitability for the role. But I had other, more pressing concerns, such as the health of my baby. When I returned after my loss, my job had become a nightmare. The passive-aggression, the lack of understanding, being stripped of my duties with six weeks left on my contract. The experience soured me on a profession that I loved, that I wanted to make a career out of. I still can. But obviously I won't be returning to that particular workplace.
Random stuff which made this year more bearable:
* Jane Eyre. I came to it much later in life than others. I was drawn in by the latest film version which, while beautifully filmed and well-adapted, came off as somewhat implausible. I became obsessed with the book and then started watching adaptations trying to find the best match. Still looking for that by the way, but I think 2006 is probably the closest match.
* Prometheus. For being unbearably shit and becoming the punchline to so many our jokes.
* The Wire. Again, another thing we are late to the party with. Wow.
* Game of Thrones. Utterly compelling.
* Beach House's "Bloom" and Grizzly Bear's "Shields".
* Planning trips away in early 2013. Including P's first international trip, so exciting!
* Beck at the Harvest Festival. Mike Patton in the rain, in the Domain. Jane Birkin at the Adelaide Festival. The Raveonettes being more interesting and cool than the Brian Jonestown Massacre.
People keep telling me to watch Game of Thrones...and if it's getting the thumbs up from you I think I might have to. Sigh. :)
ReplyDeleteIf you want me to collect my dog's shit to leave on your 1st counsellor's doorstep, just let me know.
Take your time getting there. I dragged my feet because of the hype and didn't expect to enjoy Game of Thrones half as much as I did. But I got hooked very quickly and demolished both seasons within a fortnight.
DeleteRegarding my first counsellor, hahaha!! I did the best thing I could, which was to tell my GP (who referred her to me) that she sucked as a peri-natal/post-natal grief counsellor. Hopefully that spares someone else from shitty, inappropriate advice. Thankfully my second counsellor was excellent.